I'm not usually one for a big Birthday night out - most of the time I much prefer my home comforts and a takeaway. However I've had, without a doubt, the best few months of my life this year and wanted to take the opportunity to celebrate that with all of my favourite people in one place.

And so, for my 26th birthday, I rallied us all together for a special night at The Roof Gardens in Kensington, London.

And yes, it's as downright posh as it sounds.

Based on High Street, Kensington the club, bar and restaurant boast stunning views of London from 6 stories high. Dress to impress is their motto and so my friends and I got suited and booted in preparation for what promised to be quite the epic birthday night. In all fairness, I was totally crapping myself - I mean, I'll pop out for a few drinks every now and then but nothing quite as incredibly beautiful and classy as this.

On entry we shuffled ourselves in to a lift which took us up to the top floor where music was blaring.
It felt far more intense than a usual DJ set and we weren't wrong - turning the corner a live drummer sat next to the DJ playing along to the set...Guys, it was ridiculously good.

We were seated in our VIP area and soon enough the drinks were flowing, quite literally, out of watering cans. The club itself was breath-taking – I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. I found myself taking a step back away from my friends, to appreciate that we were all here, in this incredible club, drinking out of bloody WATERING CANS with actual FLAMINGOS outside - I mean COME ON.

WHAT I WORE: Dress: Missguided. Shoes: Topshop. Bag: Topshop. Lipstick: Estee Lauder

Inside the club were different areas and dance floors as well as a huge amount of outdoor space with champagne bars, seating areas and a casual massive BBQ, you know, in case you got a bit peckish from dancing along to the epic live music.

They've just got it so right. 

Partying isn't really my scene and I had visions that this place could be pretty pretentious and uppity, but I couldn't have been more wrong. There was such a happy atmosphere, everyone did their own thing and the VIP areas meant you could spend all your time with the people you'd chosen to come out with. The dance floor was a hot, sweaty, happy mess and the staff couldn't have been more attentive.
The music was epic, albeit I couldn't tell you exactly what was played, there were definitely a few chart toppers and golden oldies thrown in to the mix.

The club also put on regular day-sessions where the gardens are open to view in all their glory, bringing the club from the inside, out! It's quite the celebrity hotspot, too. So you can expect to see a few famous faces if you end up paying it a visit.

Basically, if you're looking for a seriously special night out, then this is 100% the place to be.

I had the best time - It was a really special treat to celebrate my birthday in such a glamorous way and I think the pictures go to show what an amazing time we had :-) 

If this tickles your pickle, you can get yourself on the guest list at The Roof Gardens by contacting Lux Guest List here!

And here's what I wore...

Dress: Missguided. Lipstick: Estee Lauder Pure Colour Envy Lipstick in shade Envy

So today I have some pretty damn exciting news to share with you... 

Am I good enough?

Is a question I’m asking myself daily at the moment.

I woke up this morning and anxiety hit me like a wave, pulling me under with what felt like water churning so fast I couldn’t find the strength to battle to the surface for air.

I haven’t experienced an anxiety attacked since February – because I actively made big changes in my life to make sure I could breathe again: I’ve fallen in love, I’ve made new friends - life is really, really good. The best, actually.

I’ve also made the decision to quit my job and go to America. And when I’m back my job will be my blog.

And it’s like today I’ve realised how scary as shit that really is.

I have seriously amazing opportunities on the horizon and everything to be excited about but all I can think is ‘am I making a mistake?’. Taking a leap of faith to rely on you to do you the best way you can is a much bigger deal than I first gave myself credit for.

Everyone has said things like ‘I wish I was as brave as you’ but I’ve not felt I’m being brave at all. Because the truth is, deep down, I really don’t feel like I’ve got my shit together – at all.

I’m taking chances.

Playing with fire and praying I don’t get burned.

I’m worried that I won’t be good enough for the opportunities I’m lucky enough to get.
I’m worried I’ll let my family down when they believe in me so much.
I’m worried I’d be better at a 9-5 office job and that maybe I’m not cut out for the pressure.

But then, if I never try I’ll never know.

I guess the reason I’m writing this is to reaffirm with myself, and you, that it’s okay to freak out a bit. It’s okay to be unsure, fear the unknown, doubt yourself. That’s normal, isn’t it?

I think so.

Today, reiterated a quote she once heard to me:

                         ‘The road to success is paved with corpses… And they’re all suicides’.

And I know I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be a stepping stone for some else’s success. I don’t want to give up.

This might be a bump in the road, but if this last year has taught me anything it’s that I’m capable of trying.

Sometimes trying is the best we can do.

Today is my birthday. The day I turn 26.

And this time last year my life completely changed.

I got naked, had a photo shoot and .

In the hope that maybe I could shake the self-doubt I'd carried for years. I explained how I’d struggled with body confidence my whole adult life, that getting fully naked in front of anyone, especially a man, was absolutely never going to happen. That I battled to keep weight on, not for lack of trying - and constantly felt self-conscious because of it. That I felt ugly and ashamed of my body. That I was bullied when I was younger, called anorexic and bulimic – why did people think it was okay to ask me things like: ‘are you a boy?’ ‘where are your boobs?’. And that finally, that photo shoot? Was the start of a new, much happier chapter of my life.

Sharing the photos on here was the final part of the process and I was totally overwhelmed with how incredibly supportive every single person was. Sharing something so personal with anyone, let alone the internet is seriously scary – and the fact that not one person said anything negative made me so happy. For one reason only - it meant people agreed with what I was trying to say:

We only get one body and we’ve simply got to love it. No matter our personal qualms with it.

I received floods of emails with thank-you's and a few readers went on to do their own shoots with Alex too, which is seriously amazing.

Doing another shoot with Alex a year later seemed like the best way to celebrate how far I’ve come with feeling comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to document the process and prove to myself that the original photos weren’t a temporary fix, they’ve totally changed how I feel about my body in a permanent way and I wanted to see if that showed in the images.

WHAT I'M WEARING: Levi's Shirt Similar, Calvin Klein Briefs, Agent Provocateur Set in the SALE: Agent Provocateur Bra, Agent Provocateur Knickers, Agent Provocateur Suspender Belt. Stockings Similar

I remember doing the first shoot and thinking the entire time ‘HOW DO I EVEN MOVE MY BODY?’ But back then, the point was that I was doing it to accept myself, feel comfortable and now I have, now I do, I feel like I could take on anything.

It’s not about being obviously sexy. It’s about being able to put on your favourite set of lingerie and feel wonderful, because when you feel good it shows. It’s forgetting that your boobs aren’t more than a handful, that your tummy has that pouch that droops when you sit on your side. That your birthmark can sometimes look like you've wiped your bum in the worst way and have poo on your leg (that's not the case, btw).

It's remembering that we are what we feel.

And that means we can be whatever we want to be.

We don’t have to be perfect - whatever that is. Heck, doing this doesn’t mean I now think I’m the hottest piece of ass that ever lived. I still wish things were a little different. But the difference is I’m now at peace with those hang ups. I feel comfortable. In control.

Happy.

Like I can be sexy, maybe? And that maybe other people could look at me and think that too.

And that?

Is the best feeling in the world.

When I look at both sets of photographs I can see the emotions I felt playing on my face.

The first () are vulnerable, scared to shit, but in the best possible way. Because I realise I’m actually doing it, I’m really getting naked and I’m not feeling horrific about it. A weird mixture of adrenalin, anxiety, pride and happiness.

The second: guys I felt so strong. Those nerves were still there, because ‘HELLO it’s been a year since I got naked on a camera and that’s still a huge deal’, but as soon as Alex started snapping away I felt myself melt in to the mattress with a sense of calm. I wasn’t worried, it felt fluid and liberating and exciting.

I’ve tried to explain to everyone I know what a huge difference this experience made to my life last year but it doesn’t matter what you say – you can’t really know until you try it yourself. But I do think these photos are a great way to show that my confidence just keeps growing, that it gave me the balls to walk away from toxic things in my life, start fresh with people who really care about me, to feel comfortable getting naked, to see myself in a different way, to not feel self-conscious when I’m getting changed in front of my girls or having sex at times that aren’t just pitch black under the covers. And it’s not all about the nakedness either, it’s how it’s adjusted my mind-set, made me feel more capable. I've made new friends, found myself in a new relationship with someone seriously incredible, quit my job to go travelling and then try my hand at blogging full-time - and a big part of that new found confidence is down to . It's given me self-belief and determination to not let myself or anyone else change my mind.

So here we are, then. A year on.

And I feel as great now as I did on July 3rd last year, reading all your kind comments.