And this second half of the year is where everything changes. There are so many things in my life that I am sat on the fence with - whether it be my career, blog, friendships, relationships or myself I just appear to find it near on impossible to make decisions based on me, because, well, what if it’s the wrong one? Well enough is enough.
Body confidence is something I’ve never had. I remember starting a new school when I was 11 and it was the first time I’d ever had sexuality pressed on me, looking back that seems so young, but these worries are inflicted on us early and from then until now I’ve been a nervous wreck about the way I look.
There’s no denying I am a small build, to some it might seem a blessing and for the most part I’m grateful for it, but behind closed doors I have to fight to keep weight on and if my appetite slips I face battles with the public and my loved ones about how I look.
Breasts? What breasts? That’s been my main demon to fight. I’ve been with Daniel for almost 7 years but for the first 6 months of our relationship my bra was firmly on, no touching, nada. I’ve been through a lot lately, none of which I’m ready to share but if one positive thing has come from it, it’s that I’ve learnt I need to love myself before anyone else can. I need to embrace my body, because it’s the only one I’ve got. I need to own the skin I’m in and celebrate what my mumma gave me (even if she was being a little bit stingy ;)).
So when Laura shared her photos for project I almost died on the spot. She was naked and beautiful and confident. My second thought (after thinking, good GOD this woman is the bomb) was: envy. Why didn’t I feel like that about myself? Why didn’t my body curve in that way? Why didn’t I look so utterly beautiful in my own skin? Because I hadn’t owned it. Because I hadn’t let myself appreciate those imperfections I’d detested for so long. It was like the universe was screaming out to me, that this isn’t the way it should be. I am beautiful and I am sexy and I am strong and so, when messaged and asked if I’d like to shoot with her, like, get naked and put it on the internet, I said yes. I mean, it wasn’t as simple as that, I fought with myself for weeks about whether it was the right thing to do and the night before was the only time I was 100% sure it was going to happen. But if there was anyone I was going to do it with, it was her. Her work is raw, emotional, you feel it – and that’s art. If I was going to celebrate my body I didn’t want it to be about being obvious, I just wanted to be me, what you see is what you get.
Alex knew how utterly nervous I was and greeted me with the biggest squeeze and then we just chatted for half an hour about life and nothing to do with being naked at all. We started the shoot in one of my favourite dresses, because it makes me feel pretty. And then I tipped a bag of my undies on the floor and picked out my favourites. After posing in my panties I realised, it was my decision now, I just need to get naked, or don’t and so I did. I surprised myself at how blasé I was about it. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty and then I just let go – literally. ‘Sod it’ I said, ‘we might as well just go for it’. 'Amazing' she replied.
I felt empowered, free and liberated but it wasn’t until Alex sent me the edits through that I felt amazing. Everything I’d ever scrutinised about my body just fell away and it was (or is) quite possibly the best I’ve ever felt.
Tears prick the back of my eyes as I write this down - anyone who finds themselves battling body confidence will understand the feeling of relief to feel comfortable, confident and beautiful. I am what I am and I’m making it work for me. From this day forward I won’t put my body down. And if I ever feel like it I’ll look at these photos and smile, because why shouldn’t I be proud that I can get butt naked in front of a woman I’ve never met and share the results of it on the internet?
There are three ladies that made it happen. , who I owe everything, for giving me the push to believe – she already knows how grateful I am.
The wonderful who’s skills are that of a goddess. There are few people in this world who within just a few hours can make you feel like an old friend, someone who simply understands and believes the way you do. That can capture your feelings, your life with the click of a button. She is a force to be reckoned with and I’m so privileged to have worked with her. Lastly, myself. Because I’m naked and ‘aint no-one responsible for that but me.
| WHAT I WORE: Virgos Lounge Dress. Triangl Isabel Licorice Lingerie Set. Handmade Cream Set. |
If you want to feel wonderful (naked or not!) and truly understand what an icredible photographer is made of then you're a lucky bean. Alex has kindly offered my readers a whopping 15% off any shoots booked before the end of August!
Shoots start from less than £100 and all you have to do is quote 'Wonderful You' when you email her ().
To keep up with her work, follow her on , and . That girl can teach us all a thing or two about taking selfies!
Thank you, - you're a gem.
Megs you absolute BABE. You look beautiful, but more importantly you're such a brave and incredible lady on the inside. So much respect for you, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY you fabulous thing xxx
ReplyThank you so much sweetie. It was the single most scary thing I've ever done but felt so wonderful at the same time <3 xxx
Amazing pictures! :D
ReplyYou look absolutely AMAZING, you're so brave for doing this, I don't think I'd ever be confident enough to do it but you OWNED it!
Replyxx
Salted Roses // UK Fashion Blog
Thank you Amy. You totally CAN do it, I promise! I can't explain just how much I've struggled with it and I never thought I'd be able to do something like it, but it's hands down the best thing I've ever done. Totally recommend it xxx
You look absolutely breathtaking Megs - you should be so proud of yourself! And of course, Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day :)
ReplySHY LIKE
Thank you sweet, I had the best day! :-)
You look simply beautiful.
ReplySo proud of you x
Love you xx